


What's the point?

by Lovegreeneyes



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, F/M, Post-Episode: The Day of the Doctor, and a bit of romance too, could be a little triggering, mentions of eleventh doctor, mentions of war doctor, no mentions of suicide tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovegreeneyes/pseuds/Lovegreeneyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>«"Once again alone in the TARDIS." He sighed, once the door was safely closed behind him, leaning against it.<br/>The carefully pinned mask he had worn on his face finally fell and the sadness and heartbreak in his eyes almost darkened the room.»<br/>A post the day of the Doctor angsty one shot. I couldn't help it, sorry.<br/>Could be a little triggering, but not much, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's the point?

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
> I watched the 50 years anniversary and I really couldn't let this go, so I wrote this.  
> My knowledge of the post-Russel Who is limited to that episode, so I could have made some mistake. I hope not, honestly.  
> To be on the safe side, I need to mention it could be triggering, although I don't think this is the case.  
> Tell me what you think??  
> P.S.: this is totally unbetaed

"Once again alone in the TARDIS." He sighed, once the door was safely closed behind him, leaning against it. 

The carefully pinned mask he had worn on his face finally fell and the sadness and heartbreak in his eyes almost darkened the room. 

«Why are you so mournful now?» the TARDIS hummed in his head. 

«I though you would have been happy: you saved Gallifrey today, and you saw in whose good hands your future is in.» she added, pensive. 

 The Doctor sighed again. 

"I know, I guess that I find unfair that I should forget about not destroying Gallifrey..." He said, somewhat unconvincingly. 

 The TARDIS whirred, as if she was sighing too.  
«That's not all, though. Isn't it? You seem so dejected, Thief.»

 The alien sat down on the jumpseat, head down and feet scraping the floor.   
"The war Doctor said her name today." he murmured. 

 Although she could read his thoughts, and it was obvious whom he was talking about, the ship asked.   
«Whose name?» came with a thrill.  

 "The Bad Wolf. Rose." He let out with a dark voice. 

Silence hung between the Time Lord and his friend, the latter waiting for him to open up, like she knew he would.  

 "I can't believe he saw her. And I didn't." He finally added, bitterness coloring his voice. 

 «You know Doctor.. It wasn't really her. The Moment's consciousness just decided to take her form.»

 "And what does this tell us? She was meant for me, not for him!" He piped in, slightly annoyed now. 

 «He's you.» 

 "But I didn't get to see her! Why? Eh? Why didn't I finally see her? He didn't miss her,  **I do**!"

«Would you have liked to see her but not be able to properly talk to her? It wasn't Rose! Wouldn't it have hurt more to see her not being the same girl, to feel like you don't know her? To  **let her go** once again?» the TARDIS ranted, never raising her voice but cutting deeper and deeper with each sentence in the Doctor's soul. 

The alien stayed silent for a while, nursing his open wounds and wondering how deep they really went. 

"You're right, as always old girl. It just hurts, you know? I feel so alone, empty. Emptier than when the Time Lords' voices left my mind. Now the "war me" is going to regenerate and after not so long have the best run-in of his lives. The future me has this girl, and he forgot about pain and sadness and at least she knows him and can keep his mood up. Me? Look at me: I'm alone, dejected, running from death when all I want to do is let go and let the demons inside me consume me. Where is the sense in living like this?"

The TARDIS felt sympathetic towards her pilot: he'd been through so much and all he ever had back was sadness and loneliness. Rose had been his reason of living, she had given him love and life, she had healed him. And now she was gone. Forever. With a man that was him, but not really. 

How could he  **not**  be bitter?  
«I know Thief. I miss the Wolf too, you know? The light she radiated whenever she walked into a room, the love she gave you..» she cringed after saying that: was she stupid?  
«but you made a decision, you gave her the human life. You once again made a decision. Would you change that, now?»

The Doctor took a shaky breath, unable to keep his emotions at bay.   
"I wish I could. But I wouldn't. It would have been unfair to her, forcing her to live a life without her family, always on the run."

 «Now, if you want to list reasons, at least name the biggest ones.»scolded the TARDIS. 

 After a brief hesitation, the alien surrendered.   
"I guess I couldn't watch her die." He said lifting his head from the floor for the first time since the conversation began and revealing a tear-streaked face and a dull ache in his eyes. 

"At least when I left her I knew she would have a happy, love-filled, human life. But seeing her die would have broken me." He added, letting out shaky word after shaky word.

 «more than this did?» the ship thought, careful to keep the thought to herself. 

Not knowing what to answer, she hummed quietly in his head, trying to comfort him, but knowing nothing and nobody could. Well, one person would help, but there was no way that that could really happen. 

So she also produced a pillow from the library couch and a cup of his favorite tea next to him on the jumpseat. 

The Time Lord took it with a silent thank and sipped the hot beverage slowly. 

 "I don't want to die. I don't want to regenerate and forget about her. I know my time has come, but I don't want to go." He added softly, gloomily. 

 The TARDIS felt her heart (yes, her heart) break for this man, the person that always made his best to help the others, that wanted to save everyone but couldn't save himself. 

 She embraced him telepathically, making the room seem comforting and soft.   
«I know.»


End file.
